There’s a saying in AA that goes “ the best time to go to a meeting is two times: when you want to and when you don’t want to”. The implication being that you need to show up and sit your butt in the chair, regardless.
Nowadays, I find myself reluctant to go to church.I really really really don’t want to go. I want to do anything but go. I feel insecure about church. I feel unsure about my identity. I feel easily offended by people at the church. I’m just not with it. I feel like people don’t like me, like i don’t belong. I know that these are lies from the enemy but they are like flashing neon signs and hard to ignore.
I wanted to write this whole wonderful upbeat blog about being in community. However, I just don’t like community right now. Yes, I understand that even God is community. He’s a triune God so even chillin’ by himself, he’s in community. Yes, I remember the story of Pentecost and how the disciples were ALL gathered in one place when the holy spirit showed up and showed out. Yes, Conceptually I get it. Thomas was a doubter only because he wasn’t in community when Jesus showed up and he missed out because he didn’t stay where he was supposed to be. David messed up Bathsheba and Uriah’s lives because he was supposed to be at war but was chilling at home. Yes, there are merits to being where you are supposed to be. BUT I DON’T WANNA. Sorry, I’m not going to wrap up this blog entry with a pretty bow. My growth isn’t linear.