Christian Blog: Irrevocably Beloved

For Jesus And For The Culture. . .Being Black, Christian and a Millennial In America

Wisdom

brain

Dear Reader,

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:5(ESV)

I don’t like advice. I will not ask for help in hell or high water. I will accept help if you volunteer it but it’s incredibly difficult to ask.  I heard a story about a team building exercise where people were  blind folded but had to go through a maze and had to get to the end. That was the premise of the game. However, the maze had no end. The whole point was to raise your hand if you needed help and the truth would be revealed. I’m stubborn. I know for sure I’d be the teammate for was there for hours trying and trying to get it right on my own.

I thought that doing things on my own was a good thing. It’s the American Dream or something. I found out that I was sorely mistaken.  This Sunday, Pastor Josh likened not asking for instruction in life to trying to build an Ikea table without reading the manual.  Why wouldn’t you want to consult the one who made the table? Why wouldn’t you ask the one who made you? or someone who has been there? That sounds so simple. However, it goes against the grain. I have no desire to ask someone for help because that is an admission that I don’t know what I’m doing. The bible doesn’t say if you are in doubt, ask Google. However, that is my go-to for every problem.

I’m sure you guys are smarter than I am and have mentors and ask God for help making decisions. I was a high school student who couldn’t even answer the question who is your role model or who would you want to talk to if you talked to anyone. I literally thought about it for two days when someone asked me and came up empty. I don’t know if I just had impossible standards or I truly believed I wasn’t capable of anything and that dreaming or looking to a goal was a waste of time. Today I know better on  both accounts.

New Year, New You… NOT.

Dear Reader,

I am certain you are familiar with the concept of “New Year, New You” or “New Year’s Resolutions”. The idea of having a fresh start is really something I am for. I’m all for doing new things. However, I am very aware that just because it’s a New Year, doesn’t mean I’m going to change my habits and hangups. We have reached a point in January where people have already given up on their dreams for the New Year. That is probably because they were only intentions.

” It is direction that determines where we will arrive and not our intentions”- Filmore Bouldes III

It is our decisions that determine where we will end up.  There is no such thing as a neutral decision. Every decision has an outcome on my future. If I want to lose twenty pounds and I decide to sleep more in the morning instead of waking up and exercising like I intended. That is movement in the other direction and not towards my goal.

I was reminded this first Sunday of the year that God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ever ask or think. I was encouraged to dream big so I didn’t just write goals, I wrote straight up miracles. I didn’t ask for the possible, I asked for things I know are impossible for me to do on my own. I  asked for a full scholarship to Law school ( when I barely have a LSAT score) , I asked to publish a book ( when I don’t even have a manuscript), I asked for medication-free emotional stability ( when I’ve been told I may never be able to get off anti-depressants). I figured if I was going to ask for something I might as well go big.

My every breath is a miracle already. I already see God working. I’m a completely different person than I was two years ago. I was on death’s door. I thought I was unloveable but now I speak Isaiah 43:19 over myself all the time. Forgive my paraphrase but I say to myself. Yo, Sarah… He’s doing a new thing. It’s so evident. Can’t you see it? There it is. A river in the desert.

I want to walk towards the path God has for me , not away. It’s not enough to have goals. I have to have a plan of action. And with God, all things are possible. NOT SOME THINGS… ALL things!

God is still Good.

Dear Reader,

 

black-woman-crying

My grandmother died on December 6 ( her birthday) . My father had heart surgery a day or two after. My uncle had to go to ER. My other uncle had a stroke shortly before my grandmother’s death.  My family gathered to mourn my grandmother’s loss. Some stayed for the holidays, as well. All of this concluded with me in respiratory distress in an ambulance to the ER on Christmas afternoon.

I’m going to level with you. I have a 113,000  in student loan debt ( so far). I have psychiatric illness and physical illness. I have a part-time job. I have hopes for attending law school. I have tear-filled prayers for a hope and a future. But God is still Good. God is still God and I am not him. I’ve been told that I’m a waste of life. I’ve been told that I will never be able to support myself.  But these people who spout off at their mouth. They don’t know the God I serve. The God I am intimately acquainted with.

I know it is weird. When someone asked me why I thought I could even go to law school yesterday, I almost said CUZ GOD TOLD ME but I restrained myself. However, I truly believe this to be in the will of God. I also believe that whatever God says has to come to pass. I’m not really the type to say I heard something from God. That’s not me. That is really not something I say or even want to be known for saying. Trust me. Enough people think I’m crazy.

I’ve also been really obsessed with this verse in the bible: Romans 8:18. As much as I’m discouraged. As much as I’d rather stay in bed and tear off clothes and lament.  Romans 8:18 declares: For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

If you are going to speak a word over someone today, let it be a word of encouragement. You have no idea what God whispered to them. They may look crazy like Noah but God is able, he won’t fail… He simply cannot.

Mia Fieldes preached a word a few weeks back about protecting your baby  ( your dreams) throughout the trimesters. Maybe I’ve been too loose with my tongue telling people my dreams before they are past the first trimester and more likely to miscarry. People have been speaking death over me before I could make it to the second trimester before I could see the details of my dreams ( an ear, an eye socket). She also said that God gives you details and definition in the second trimester so you can name it. I don’t know what season or trimester I’m in but I do know I want nothing more than to carry this dream to full-term.