When he wants.

My church hands out these card things in the beginning of the year. I wasn’t even going to waste my time filling it out. It says ” Write down your dreams for 2018 Below”. I took it home blank. I journalled in my diary about it. A few days later, I woke up and decided I was going to ask God for all the things I feel are impossible for me.

Here they are:

1. Full Scholarship to Law School
2. Debt-Free
3. Finacially stable
4. Marriage
5. Apt
6. Medication Free
7. Memoir Published

I want to be very clear. I thought for sure. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. The list hung on my mirror as maybe a hope that someday maybe I could have this. But I started to pray. I encouraged my dinner party buddies to pray and my church posse to pray. I spoke about law school as if I had already been admitted.  Some of my unbeliever friends thought I had lost my mind. I talked about my full scholarship like it had already happened. So much so I got a congratulations on law school from someone I had just met at church before I even sent out applications. Yes, I did.

A couple weeks after Dream Sunday, I was medication-free. Something I didn’t think could ever, ever happen. Something I had tried before and failed. And I brought my praise report home to my church fam and we rejoiced together. And We prayed over the law school exam. I received my scores for the LSAT and immediately lost hope. How on earth could I get a full scholarship with such a score?  When I received an email saying that I was accepted and with a full tuition scholarship, I immediately started sobbing. I was incredulous. God does what he wants, when he wants.  And he is for me even when it doesn’t feel like it.

I was sitting at my church’s women’s ministry conference on March 2nd  and sobbing when a church member I don’t even know pulled me into an embrace. Yeah, it was that bad. I asked God that night to show me if he was real. I said I needed to know. And not in a little way.  I’m glad God answers prayers. I look forward to the rest of 2018. God Holla@ YO GURL