For Jesus and the culture

This is a response to a transformation church message. Here’s a link to the message


I’ve been feeling out of my depth for a while now. I was definitely called by God. I have no doubt that I am supposed to be here. That is no question. However, I don’t have the resources to be a law student. I don’t have the fiscal resources or the emotional bandwidth or the social skills.

I wake up. I study. I go to class. I get rejected from jobs. I can’t be rehired from the part time job I left. I have a low overheard (only phone bill and internet) so I wasn’t too worried. But today when I saw my 65 dollar bank balance, I got discouraged. Probably because my phone bill is 75 and I just started laughing.

God cannot bless who I pretend to be. He can only bless a real person.  I am jealous. I look around and I see fancy notebooks and bookstands. I look down at the binder  and folders and notebooks I got from the 99cent store and I’m like I don’t know if this is going to go well.

I am writing this lying on the floor underneath a table in a library study room. I was going to take a nap but I’m filled with worry. God has planted me here at this school for his own purposes and his own glory. But  I’m worried God will not come through. But on the other hand, he already has. How I even got here is impossible and implausible even to me so of course he can do exceedingly and abundantly more.