Dear Reader:
I know you do not want to hear this but some of you have to walk away from your family and make a family of choice. For some of us, a brief moment away (6 months, 1 year or 2) provides everyone with enough guidance and perspective to get their act together. For some of us, the family is a toxic environment that God needs you to step away from so that you can heal.
How do you Know When You Have to Go?
- When you’re not valued as a person. I can give you some examples of when that’s clear. If you are biracial and you can’t go one thanksgiving without someone calling you the nword, that’s not just ohhh they are old and it’s a historical term. That’s someone who doesn’t love you. Who cannot support you being who you are. Who does not want you to thrive.
- When there’s physical violence. Physical violence is a big no. If you are experiencing physical violence in your family life as an adult, you need to get up and go. Go somewhere. Go to the ER. Go to the Counselor. Go to the church house. Go to anybody house but the house you came from.
- When there’s violence to your psyche. It is common knowledge that abuse takes many forms. While verbal, emotional abuse , harassment etc is hard to prove in court… you can feel it’s effects. God wants you to have peace. He wants to you to have an abundant life. Please ask for help. For some of us, this may be hard to identify. Sometimes these comments and behaviors have been happening our whole lives so we have no idea what’s happening. It may be prudent to set up a boundary first and see if the other person respects it. Show people how to love you and if they won’t … then go.
This is not an exhaustive list. I am sure there are more situations where it’s absolutely Biblical to get up and go so that you can heal. I hope that God grants you the spirit of discernment so that you can know when that is and reach out for the earthly help available.