As you know, this month we’re talking about family and so we have to get into how to practically resolve/ diffuse family conflicts.
Be Honest:
God does not say that you have to lie to reconcile with people. That ain’t biblical. You can still be true to yourself, have a different opinion and be respectful. How the other person reacts…. Is not my concern. I’m only in charge of me.
Be Open
No one is going to be of one mind with me. If I like oxford commas; they write runon sentences. It’s not about agreeing. You can disagree and still reconcile. This is especially important these days as most topics light a fire to the family dinner table.
Be Safe
You can’t reconcile with everyone. If your family makes you physically and/or emotionally unsafe, walk away. For years, the church used to encourage women to go back to their abusive husbands and say that is just the way of the Lord. IT IS NOT. God does not want you to be in harm’s way. He came that you may have life and have it more abundantly.
Use “I” Statements
This phrase comes from therapy community but it communicates an important conflict resolution principle which is, keep it on yourself. For example “I don’t like when you mention my weight at dinner. It makes me feel like you don’t value me or I’m not pretty. It does not communicate any concern for my health. It does the opposite.” You see how that is much different from “ you’re always so mean to me, telling me I can’t afford soda because I need to lose weight, you’re just the worst !”
Pray
The spirit of discernment is essential to resolving conflicts. You may not know just when the right time to approach an issue is. Sometimes the when is just as important as the how and why, when its about reconciliation or resolving conflict.
I hope you can take things tips to heart and practice them. Have a great day.
I wanted to start off our foray into families with an exploration of biblically imperfect families. You know the ones I’m talking about. Starting with the infamous: Sarai and Abram, turned Sarah and Abraham… to Esau & Jacob. Let’s not forget Mary and Joseph. Can you imagine not having a conjugal relationship, yet somehow your betrothed is pregnant? Especially in a time when God had not yet been revealed to act in that way. Especially in a time when Holy Spirit was not a concept. Joseph is like a Biblical MVP.
If I were doing the canon bible edit job, I would probably have never included these stories especially not in the raw form. I would’ve somehow sprinkled in the “ they all lived happily ever after” part. But that is not the truth. There was no happily ever after. They did not suddenly get it. They struggled. They faltered. They did not just make it work.
On Sarai & Abram
In the story of Sarai & Abram, Sarai , who became Sarah, had a major wound. Her wound was that she couldn’t give birth. Imagine, everyone all day is getting pregnant and popping out babies and you’re just there. Years are passing and nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. So you have a bright idea. Your servant can have a child for you… it’s sort of the same, right? Uh nope.
Sarah’s wound, her makeshift solution, and Abraham’s acquiescence to the plan would be the source of strife for generations to come.
This story is usually told as a cautionary tale of don’t come up with your own solution and trust God’s plan. Today I want to use it for a different reason. Honestly, Sarah asked Abraham to send them away, which is probably a kindness. There are numerous stories in the bible about just how easy it was to die back then. Sarah was just hurt and angry. She wasn’t murderous or suicidal. She didn’t jump to any conclusions. It was a bad situation of her own making and she really did her best to make due and then when she reached her limit she merely asked to send them away.
On Jacob & Esau
Jacob and Esau were brothers. The way inheritance worked back in the day was that only one person would get “the birthright”. This entitled them to be the head of the family or to get more of a share of the possessions etc. The story is kind of weird. It’s not like Jacob was jealous from birth and wanted to steal it. His mother was playing favorites from the beginning; so she, inadvertently, or not, caused the rift between them. A rift that only continued to grow til Jacob stole Esau’s birthright. However, the story doesn’t end there. This Biblically imperfect family story actually ends with a reconciliation… many many years later, of course.
God doesn’t leave things at a low note. If you’re struggling with family relationships, I want you to have hope that things can change.
This month we’re going to be talking about all things family. Whether a family of choice or family of origin, whether they be friend or foe, let’s talk about family and faith. God wants us to have connections with people. No person on this earth is an island, nor designed to live on in isolation. AND NO ONE IS PERFECT. Families have all sorts of issues. They’re not called generational curses for funsies. Where there are people, there will be problems. Let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about where boundaries should be or where there should be a brick wall.
Please know that you and God are responsible for your own life. Talk what I write with a grain of salt. I can only share my experience. Life has ebbs, flows, and changes in circumstances so what may be okay for me today, may not be ok tomorrow. The only thing that doesn’t change is God.
